GRADUATION

This is a celebration,
of lessons learned
in and out of class.
trust earned,
moving past the misunderstanding,
of uncommon differences.
life long friendships,
forged in unbreakable bonds.
together weathering storms,
of sleepless nights,
and hopeful fights,
holding on,
for dear life.
we embarked on a journey
which began some time ago,
we never imagined ,
all we would come to know.
to use each challenge ,as an opportunity.
to overcome problems, despite adversity.

This is  a farewell,
to the place we once called home.
taking  off and hanging up the shoes
in which we walked this mile stone.
to the mistakes,
we thought would ruin us,
till we found that all it did was build us.
To the tears,
when we saw no hope,
To the fears,
that kept us gripped
to the end of the rope,
till we found the courage ,
to take the leap,
that brought us to this very day.
To the candle wicks that burned out,
to the nights we drowned in self doubt.
To the friends we lost,
to the pain it caused,
knowing deep in our hearts,
it was no mistake,
the crossing of our paths.
To the teachers,
that armed us,
to face what awaits.

This is a beginning,
A time to look forward,
A time to set new goals,
to dream new dream
to spread our wings,
to make new memories
that we will forever treasure,
to cherish our time,
knowing its worth has no measure.
A time to go into the world,
in the midst of the hungry storms
find a voice...
sing, speak or scream
we must  make a choice,
that honors who you are.

When that moment comes,
when you hear your name,
cheered by the crowd,
when you are blinded
by the bright lights,
and cant hear your own heart,
when the whispers get too loud,
and its time for that final curtain call
take that bow,
seize that moment,
live it!
its yours because you earned it.

Take pride in the person you have become,
and never lose sight,
of what lies beyond.
the opportunities that lay await,
at the other side of the door.
Once we find that courage,
the new moments in each day,
will be ours to explore.


HEY GUYS,
I know its been a hot minute. I promise did not forget you at all. With that being said , today's piece is something of a debut seeing as i took all this time off to round off my semester and final exams and yes, GRADUATE!  so I dedicate this piece to all my friends and colleagues and every one graduating from whatever form of educational institution around the world!  Nothing and no one could have prepared me for the past six years of my life. It was not just obtaining the degree, it was more so the lessons I learned along the way, be it in or outside of class, so cheers guys! here's to hoping the lessons come in handy as we adjourn to the next phase.  In other news, purple notes is back, so tell a friend to tell a friend... Enjoy this read because a piece of my heart is right here.

WITH ALL MY HEART,
Pamela Patricks.

Here is a heart...

 I have  a heart
and it is all I have left
I cant control life,
or fight death,
I cant make love stay,
and I have lost friends ,
for reasons I cant explain,
good things come to an end,
I guess...


I tried to buy my way,
into happiness,
but it was no easy price to pay,
the journey was endless,
day after day,
There were moments,
when I thought I found her,
but as I stretched out my hands,
to reach her,
only for a brief moment,
she faded away,
and the heavy price I paid,
a waste again...


I thought to my self,
I am worthy,
I deserve this,
and indeed,
I can do it all,
be it all,
make you love me,
then I would be happy,
yet another fall,
waiting in my wake...

All I Had was my heart,
fragile,
battered and bruised,
broken then glued,
beating faintly with a smile,
and all who knocked were let in
It was the only way I knew,
But I could never make them stay,
they took and took,
and I gave and gave,
But I lost anyway.

Desperate,
hanging on to my Heart,
my open broken heart,
drowning in blame,
but no one tried,
to see, to understand..
or Believe,
to Give me a chance,
They left,and never looked back..

I cant buy happiness,
or force friends,
but I can't shut these doors,
because then,
I'ld be left with darkness,
and a life without light,
is not worth living,
so i'll take the pain,
and keep on giving,
and if you want to come in,
I' ll let you,
If you wanna leave,
that's fine too.
None of that ,
can make me any less me.
If you choose to stay,
and look deep,
and see these stitches,
and tape,
holding my frail heart,
together,
Even better...
here is a heart,
its all I've got,
its all I am giving..


Hey guys,
 I will try my best to keep my letter very brief today because the message of this poem is quite clear. So many people will hurt you in the course of your life time, people Who you expected much more from, they will let you down! over , and over and over again... I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the one thing you can always count on people to do, is let you down. Then there are those you try constantly to please, bend over backwards to make them stay, sacrifice everything only to find them walking out on you...My advice, LET THEM LEAVE! Friendship is not a hostage situation, don't let any one hold it over your head or make you feel like its a privilege to be in their presence.  I found that they always find a way back if they truly belong in your story.
  Now to my most important point. With everything you have, fight that urge to let the bad experiences define who you are, or much less your next relationships. Maintain that goodness in you, and do not shut your heart to the rest of the world. If you are  a lover keep loving and  If you are a giver keep giving even  if  sometimes you may get nothing back , move on, allow time to heal you. Do not hold on to the scars, and shut your heart and eyes to the light , and hopes of the future. Truth is, as bad as people are, there are some good ones out there. They may be very few but they are out there, those who will see you for who you are and be happy to walk with you, and share in your story...Having also learnt this lesson quite recently, I stand with you, Hopeful !

WITH ALL MY HEART,
PAMELA...

THE GIRL I DIDNT LIKE

The girl i didn’t like…

I didn’t like that girl,

The one looking back back at me,

From behind  the mirror.

All I see is her faults,

Her mistakes…

Constantly misjudged,

Misunderstood, and insulted…

Always taken for granted

I saw her weakness,

And i hated her..

How people walked all over her,

In and out as they pleased..

What’s worse? She let them…

She got tired of being accused ,

And being guilted for what she didnt do

She went out and did them.

She never put up a fight

For what she believed in her heart was right

And the moment it got hard, she quit.

Never quite felt like she fit in,

Never quite knew her part.

She cried, more than she smiled,

Her hot tears burned holes through her heart.

The girl who traded her principles,

To be politically correct,

And Socially acceptable.

How i loathed her,

With every value she sold,

She sunk deeper,

Till she Breathed water.

A little sleep a little slumber,

Counting pennies by the tracks,

Watching helplessly,

As destinies depart,

Train after train,

she sat there,

Seeking company,

In anyone and anything,

Hungrily yearning to feel complete

Unwhole,empty, scourned,

Died a million deaths,

But never mourned.

Too blinded in her weakness

To find her might.

Too scared of loosing

to join in the fight.

Double minded,

Undecisive,

Uncertain,

Uncomfortable in her own skin,

Ready to settle,

For far too little.

I hated her so much,

Till i grew to love her,

I came to know that girl,

And came to the shocking realization,

That I was infact, that girl.

Hating her was the easy way out,

Blaming her saved me,

I never got to take responsibility,

Or Commit to my journey.

You see?,

I sat pretty,

Whilst concealing my reality

Focused on the end result,

Whilst neglecting the process

I trembled in the face of every challenge,

Scurrying back to my comfort zone.

Helpless and alone.

And now that i know better,

I am done hating her,

Infact, I am done being her.

HEY GUYS,

You might have been wondering if it was a wrap, believe me , I wondered the same thing too. In the spirit of honesty, I would love to say I took that long break because I was busy, Life took a toll on me, Or any fantastic excuse I can cook up, but it really wasn't the case . You might notice that the post today is not very poetic, no oxymorons, or similes, or any figurative language. I aimed to be very lucid with this post, so that nothing gets lost in translation, but that doesn't make it any less of a poem,although slightly exaggerated for effect.For a moment there I had a full plate of school work, exams etc.. but for the most time, I was just being somewhat of a quitter.The truth is, I lost inspiration, for the longest time , I searched for the connection I once shared with my pen, with words, I lost it.

I lost inspiration because I never got the result I expected, the calculated end I anticipated, and what's worse , I was hurt by the rejection. People told me all sorts , directly and indirectly...''poems are lame..., in the light of recent evolution,poetry is uninteresting, why don't you do a gossip blog, fashion blog? ..., A sports blog will be great.., '' they voiced all sorts of unsolicited opinions that quite frankly gave me second thoughts, third , fourth, on and on till I was void of words, till my pen became a stranger to me..

I became the girl constantly throwing pity parties, bending my opinions to fit into what was expected of me. I Couldn't commit to anything, I ran with this diet till i didn't and then that fitness plan till i didn't, and then this chapter, that gym ... I soon couldn't complete anything i picked up,I became a quitter.

I am my truest in my words, my verses, my poems. A very special person taught me that if i could be that invested in what people who didn't believe in me or my gift thought of me and let it affect me in the manner that it did, i could not but imagine how far i could go if i alligned my self with the people who believed in me, even if its a single person. Not every one understands my craft or my art, that in itself makes it special as it is not for everyone.Said person also taught me that.

That being said, I am so sure I was not the only one going through this phase, so if u hated or still hate the girl or the boy in the mirror, this post is dedicated to you. it sounds very cliche , because every one talks about change but no one really tells us how to achieve it, or warns us against the dangers of not embracing it. For me, this very post, me writing and spilling my heart out here, is proof in itself. I am terrified but I Will weather it, and when next I take a look in the mirror, it will be a beautiful view. I do hope it is the same for you. Quick disclaimer, if your life is a perfect bed of roses, no flaws and all,please feel free to ignore this post. This is for the real people with real problems . Be blessed!

WITH ALL MY HEART,

PAMELA.

''ALL I HAVE EVER KNOWN''

He hit me back then,

Day after day,

I could not cry,

I could not shout,

I could not tell anyone,

What it was about.

I thought to myself,

maybe he didn’t mean to do it,

And hit after hit,

I ran out of excuses to give,

for the man i called Father.

And Just when I thought it was over,

It began again.

He got me a pretty dress,

another day, it was chocolate.

To buy my forgiveness,

Or maybe it was my silence,

It worked the first dozen times,

But after stealing my innocence,

My taste buds grew numb.

The only love I have  ever known,

Was at the end of a clenched fist.

Black eyes, swollen lips and broken ribs.

Raised voices and hateful words,

And i grew so fond of the hurt,

I wore the pain on my sleeves.
Till this very day.

I know he will hit me again tomorrow,

And the day after,

Then he ll give me more gifts,roses,

make worthless promises.

And I will flash a broken smile,

Through my lifeless eyes.

He will tell me he loves me,

And I will believe him,

Just like I did my father..

He will desire my body,

And I will lay there,let him take it..

then hit me again after.

A little foundation and concealer,

always does the trick.

covers up the bruises perfectly,

while I rot underneath..

no one can know about my pain,

that I die a little bit more each day.

I thought about leaving,

But where would I go?

A breathtaking collage of bruises and scars,

Who can fix this broken,wounded soul..

I tried many times to start over,

But this love is all I have ever known.

Hey guys,
It's so good to be back. I really missed my wonderfully supportive readers but also I've been a little busy trying to turn my lemons into lemonade if you know what I mean. If you have read the above poem you might wonder what kind of monsters would do these things? why is she so stupid? why won't she leave?
I promise you guys, these things are really going on and not only is it going on ,1 out of 10 females are victims of one form of abuse or the other. and some of them are girls close to you and you might not have any idea. From the above piece, I tried to show how often times,it begins with the child. Some men really have no business being fathers and they have scarred so many little girls to the point of no return, so much that the abuse has now become a norm for them. Please please and please, we need to start taking psychological and emotional health more seriously especially in Nigeria. The whole country is going up in flames right from its roots, the common man on the street is angry as hell, taking it out on the next and to the next till it becomes an unending cycle of rage and violence and jungle justice. people are hurting silently everyday, slowly dying , why can't we just admit we need help? Professional help ,not just a visit to your local pastor. Not to say that pastors are no good but some people have more damage than one counselling session with their pastors can reach.
Since I am no expert at spiritual affairs, Let me get back to my girls real quick, If you are being abused or know someone who is, please start by speaking to someone or advice them to do so. Seek help, no one can help you except you. Don't Suffer and die in silence.I promise you, there is better out there.So much better and all you have to do is take the first step, tell someone, it might be difficult but once you find that courage, there will be no going back. I Love you and I am rooting for you.

        
WITH ALL MY HEART,
PAMELA.

Melanin Strong...

She is mother earth,
she is the black girl,
crude beauty,
dripping melanin and honey

Spreading out in shades,
of dark chocolate,
to white gold,
to deep bronze with
caramel topping
and oh.. that glow
there is nothing
quite like it.
there is no one 
on this earth,
judged as much
as the black girl,
she's too fat, too thick
too short, too tall,
she's too loud, too weak
and oh.. the way she talks...
Damn it!.
Its just the way she talks..
just because its not your lingo,
or doesn't confine her in a box,
its doesn't fit in the status quo..
so what if she laughs out loud,
and is not afraid to speak her mind?
and when she stands out of the crowd,
you call it pride.
how can you like,
 what you cant control?

Beautiful black girl,
earth strong,
losing herself,
to skin toners,
plastic surgeries,
and hair relaxers,
all to fit in and  find beauty 
in herself again,
beauty that was always there,
but she was just too broken to see

She is melanin strong,
raising that child,
and working that job,
from nine to five,
pleasing that man,
and all with a smile,
the most radiant  of all.

What it takes,
to put that hair in place,
thick black nappy curly,
stubborn strands of beauty..
and those lips,
once an object of mockery,
now being bought,
paid for with hard money,
ain't that funny?

Ain't it funny ?
how the qualities,
of the black girl,
cost so much more 
than she who possesses them?
those breasts, those hips
that body,
thick and heavenly,
covered evenly,
in sparkly gold dust,
and every single inch
dripping melanin and honey..

Does it really matter her age?
be it 20,40, or 60
that beauty cant ever fade,
and every line on  that face,
tells a story,  a treasure,
you cant replace.

She is melanin strong,
mother earth,
the black girl,
she doesn't only look different,
she is different.
every lock of hair,
every inch of flesh,
every scar, or stretch mark,
is beauty and strength,
appreciate her or not,
she is enough.
she is melanin strong. 


Hey Darlings,
    I am writing this to show my allegiance to my sisters all over the world. I find that not only are we not appreciated by the world, we are not appreciated by one another. Every black woman is beautiful in her own distinct way, and I believe we need to  actually start believing it. The problem we have lies in letting the media decide and define what beauty is, and the standards there of, which are quite frankly impossible and unreal. They are succeeding in making us so uncomfortable in our own skin and our bodies that girls are paying so much money to buy the bodies that the media defines as real beauty. So what if your tummy is not flat enough, your complexion is not light enough, or your nose is not slim enough, your breasts are not peeping through the neck of your dresses, put a sock in it or get one of those super foamy bras and get on with it, your butt is not hitting things down when you are passing through a market place? SO WHAT? In a world of Kardashian's , Black chyna's,Amber rose's and Nicki minaj's ,we need the Oprah's, the Viola's, Maya angelou's, Clara brown's, Chimamanda's, Mo abudu's.. ( cant even keep count) point is, girls,stand up and be worth more than your figure, or physical attributes,Be better than the Instagram twerkers, and more importantly, appreciate one another, build each other up instead. Now there is a force that the world could use. Just imagine the grounds that could be broken...
To my black brothers, if you have a beautiful woman by your side , you are not appreciating her, you are not empowering her, you are not encouraging her, please I ask you.. what are you doing?

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS READ, COMMENT, SHARE, AND SUBSCRIBE!
WITH ALL MY HEART,
PAMELA.

NO WORDS

There are simply no words,

To explain how I feel

No words can express my hurt

Or make the pain less real.

I love to sit and stare,

As the sky turns blue.

Imagining how very rare,

It is to find such a fool.

The fool I had been at a time,

When I thought you really cared,

When I thought your heart was mine,

And I had conquered fear.

Words can never express,

How far i could have gone.

Fear of losing you made me restless,

And my foolishness was next to none.

I could walk a thousand miles,

Searching for the curse,

That made me fall for your lies:

So easily, you didn’t even have to force.

I can try to explain,

At Least give it a shot,

Loving you was a loss I can never regain,

The pain can never be put into words.

The pain might have been outrageous

But the relief is even more extreme

To have broken free from chains so hideous

I wonder how much worse it could have been.

Here I am at the end of the road,

Standing in the shadows.

Choosing to drop this heavy load,

Hoping for a pot of gold ,

at the end of this rainbow.

I have come to realize that,

You were no good for me.

I mean how could two work together

Except they agree?

You were like darkness,

illuminating my pain.

Killing every light I try to harness,

Stealing what could have been my gain.

I don't hate you,

In fact I wish you well.

But no words can make me the fool,

I became the moment i fell.

Hey guys,
 I know its been a minute ,and  I apologize.. been working on a lot of  stuff ..from time to time posts won't be as consistent as I would prefer  but purple notes is here to stay best believe that. 
   Anyway lets get to the post on ground now, NO WORDS .. again, I am not speaking to / about any one in particular. Its just something I wrote give or take , 2 years ago.. Everyone can relate to it , at least a majority of people. Some people claim to be too strong , or too tough, or impenetrable but I find that  LOVE always has a way of breaking down walls and bringing even the toughest of hearts to its very knees doesn't it? what I can say however is that, heart breaks are mostly inevitable. no matter how tough and calculated  a person might be, and it isn't always a sign of weakness. Some more than others actually learn from it, get out wiser and stronger, and others well, become enslaved  and fall prey to hunters from the past. Either ways, we can all relate to the piece. Purple notes wishes you all the best of luck in your marriages, and relationships... and to those who were once fools for love, cheers.. because once beaten , twice shy. when you find love again, you might not have the perfect  handout of what it should be like but at least you know what it shouldn't. some people have that lesson locked and loaded, and others prefer to learn it over and over.. either ways, again... purple notes wishes you good luck!  I am no expert at love, or relationships, but I know that happiness is around the corner, for every man who wishes it, and is willing to fight for it.

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS, GIVE US A THUMBS UP! LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!

WITH ALL MY HEART,
PAMELA!

''All you have to do is wake up...''

I would love
 to make you breakfast,
and let the aroma
 awaken you to my lips,
waiting hungrily,
to usher you into a new day.
To run you a bath,
rub your feet,
make you feel good ,
in every single way.
all you have to do is wake up,
and i will take it from there.

It must be nice ,
to fall asleep every night ,
knowing your heart is mine,
and when the sun,
barges in on us,
I'll be up and ready,
to be at your beck and call,
to catch you when you fall .
i'll be your body guard,
so you would have nothing to fear,
all you have to do is wake up
and i will take it from there...

I would love to watch you sleep,
for what greater  beauty
could i see?
to put my heart at such peace,
and when you wake up with a yawn,
and that pretty smile ,
that fills my heart with warmth,
it would all be worth while...
and those soft little snores,
like music to my ears...
all you have to do is wake up ,
and i will take it from there.

I'll drive you to work,
or anywhere you need to go.
Listen when you need to talk,
and tell you all you want to know,
i'll put a smile on your face,
at every chance i get,
and when you start to feel cold,
i'll offer you my shirt,
as long as you dream it,
i'll make it a reality.
all you have to do is wake up,
and i will take it from there.

i will do whatever you want,
i will be whoever you need,
and if you have been  hurt,,
please let me  help you heal..
if your heart's been broken ,
i will help you fix it
and whenever you smile,
i will be the reason.
through your every struggle in life,
i will be there, no matter the season.
just promise me you'll wake up..
and i swear i'll take it from there.

When you don't wanna talk,
i'll hold you in the quiet.
i'll tell when something is wrong
no matter how hard you try to hide it.
i'll love you body mind and soul
i'll make your happiness, my goal.
when you need a shoulder to cry,
i'll be happy to lend you mine.
i'll make you laugh when you're in tears
till the last tear dries up.
all you have to do is wake up,
and i'll take it from there.

Hey guys,

I consider  the above poem my master piece for more reasons than one. I thought about doing a review on it but i think i would leave that to the critics. A lot of guys feel like women are the most difficult to handle and in some ways they are But I will throw you guys a quick life line... (thank me later) .. All you really need to win a woman's heart is one thing. THE RIGHT WORDS. put them together and you would have the most loyal confidant at your side!(provided you handle your business like a man should).. So I admit there is no perfect man, well obviously sisters, we are not perfect either , but  wouldn't it be awesome if there was? I was thinking to my self ''if I had the perfect man , what would I want to hear him say to me?'' and that'show I wrote this. Even though i'm trying to hold on to my optimism and Positivity, I gotta throw in a little logic and reality to that mix. I've yet to meet a man that's ready to say these words in all honesty and be ready to fulfill them but hey, dreaming is free of charge abi?. maybe one day this dream will become a reality but till then, no one can take them away from me, I'll just keep dreaming big.Ladies, damsels, QUEENS, ]I dare you to dream ...You never know!
  Always  Remember, there might not be a perfect man, but there's a man that's perfect for you! Made specially to suit you.. I call mine  BOAZ,( you might remember that name from the book of Ruth.)
p.s- dear future bae, hubby, my boaz,.. your wedding vows should better sound a little something like this ..if not you will hear lol...

if you like this, share comment, subscribe! keep hitting my inbox guys, i appreciate each and everyone of you!
 with all my heart,
      PAMELA.